Cardiff Cavaliers Cricket Club

2006 match summaries

Match reports are in chronological order with the most recent game first. Scroll down the page for reports for previous matches

Barry Athletic, 24 September. Cav 203/9 (Marchant 72, Simpson 31); Barry Ath 203/9 (Duffy 2/18, Poulsom 2/22). Match tied

Yes! Match tied. After 40 overs-a-side both the scores and the wickets lost were identical – nothing could separate the young guns of Barry from the old has-beens of Cardiff. What a fantastic way to round off a thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining season – another excellent all round team effort superbly led by Captain Simmo.

Mark won the toss yet again and sensibly chose to bat on a damp wicket which proved to be quite difficult for batsmen to play fluently. The scorers were confused that the name of the redoubtable Warwick Armstrong was not automatically placed alongside Batsman No1 in the book. Apparently the record-scoring batsman was still celebrating his birthday in downtown Bristol! Now, isn’t that typical of these record chasers – they achieve their ambition and then desert the club in their hour of need!! (Having played a total of 22 games this season he really deserved a rest!!) [Ed: in fairness to Waz he had phoned Hon Sec at lunchtime to see if anyone had dropped out and whether it was likely that his services would be required; neither of them could have foreseen that yet another a Cavalier would pull up lame when batting.]

The aroma of Barry Island’s fish & chips pervaded the ground as the game eventually got underway. The innings opened and, unfortunately, Nick soon departed having hit the opening boundary. Jimmy and JT built a solid partnership of 73, comprising a well crafted 23 from Jonathan, before the fall of the next wicket. Jimmy went on to score an effortless 72 – what a great first season he’s had! – and everyone down the order chipped in with some runs: Jason Duffy (15), Steve Davis (14) and the Captain, yet again, produced the goods with an energetic and well-timed 31.

The innings finished with a century! But, sadly, this was only in terms of the combined ages of the batsmen rather than actual runs scored. At least the old fogeys – Messrs Brown and Poulsom – kept the scoreboard moving to the end of the 40 overs, taking us to 203 for 9. (More importantly we learn that Europe have retained the Ryder Cup , again!) [Ed: it was being suggested in some circles that perhaps the USA could combine with the rest of the Americas to see if that helps them put out a team able to compete for this august trophy played for in September.]        

Barry Athletic faced a fine opening spell from Jason Duffy (2/18) and Jimmy Marchant (1/33) supported by some excellent fielding from everyone – Mark Metters, Nick Hutchings, Alan Ward, Graeme Brown and the ever-dependable keeper Steve Davis deserve a particular mention. The youngsters of Barry were running quickly between the wickets converting 1’s into 2’s on a regular basis. Mark Simpson and Dave Parsons continued the excellent bowling and were both unlucky not to achieve a breakthrough. It wasn’t until the 17^th over when the first wicket fell – when the centurion partnership of Brown & Poulsom [Ed: wasn’t that a food manufacturer of yesteryear …] was wheeled on to bowl, and quite respectably too with Glyn 2/22 and Graeme 0/34.

Good fielding and quick thinking led to 3 run outs as the young guns were keen to keep the momentum going. Wickets continued to fall – 2 in one over from Jason – but Barry were gaining in confidence as the sun disappeared over Barry Island. The Cavaliers found it difficult to see the ball in the gloom, yet alone stem the flow of runs as the excitement on the boundary grew for the home team. It came down to the last over – 6 runs required to win – Dave Parsons to bowl @ 7:15 p.m. – late September! [Ed: fortunate that The Oracle was not present or he’d have been muttering about penalty runs for such a slow over rate]. The field was brought in but 5 runs were scrambled from 5 balls and the scores were level with 1 ball remaining. From the batsman’s perspective, he only had to get bat on ball and run like fury. Inexplicably, all he managed was to drive the final ball hard straight back to the bowler who took a low catch. Of course, the the bowler’s perspective is somewhat different: a superbly flighted delivery that the batsman was lucky to fend from his stumps and would only ever result ina  wicket. To the fielders: twinned with relief that they hadn't had to sight the ball in the dusk was recognition of brilliant catch taken low down to the ground that meant “Match tied”!!

Cue celebrations all round by both teams and reflections on a great game played in a truly friendly sporting manner – a very fitting way to finish a season that has seen some great achievements both by the Club and its players.

[Ed: thanks to all our match reporters who have brought entertainment, encouragement and enlightment - mingled in with good dollops of wit and warmth - to this new venture on our web site. We hope that you have enjoyed reading them as much as some of the writers have clearly relished composing them.]

“At 17.40 Warwick Armstrong tucked the ball behind square and ran 2 so setting a new record for a season’s batting run aggregate in the history of the Cavaliers” Notes & Comments, Cavalier’s scorebook, 2006 season

Many congratulations, Warwick, a tremendous achievement

Barry Wanderers, 16 September. B.Wand 165/7 (Marchant 3/16, Simpson 2/24), Cav 166/3 (37.3ovs, Armstrong 39, Steadman jnr 39). Won by 7 wickets

Sully had clearly entered the Age of Mechanisation when, instead of the gentle lapping of the waves and the call of the skylark, all we could hear was the grinding of machinery and the rumbling of engines as Hayes Point was transformed into a scene reminiscent of the early stage of an episode of Grand Designs. The changes to the access drive meant that visitors were fearful for their big ends and mindful of their sumps as they negotiated the troughs riven by the dumper trucks and bulldozers – had anyone warned JT, they wondered, as he had only 3 days previously taken delivery of a brand spanking new Alfa Romeo sports car which led to much supposition that he was an extra in the Sopranos.

It also caused consternation to Jimmy who, having been told the ground was on the site of the old Sully hospital, arrived at the new children’s hospice and wondered why there wasn’t a pavilion or pitch. Lost but with mobile in hand, a frantic call with The Oracle soon found him restored to the bosom of the team, albeit after two overs had been bowled.

This was somewhat sooner than Gog who had been summoned from that scene of much anguish and frustration of the modern age known as Supermarket Sweep, deserting his trolley amid the frozen veg and desperate housewives to answer the call some 80 minutes before kick off when Snax found his foot, injured by stepping on glass the night before, too painful to walk on and making his way to Casualty.

Barry Wanderers had opted to bat and Simmo asked Steaders to open the attack. Some of his deliveries tested the batsmen’s skills to the utmost while others stretched the diving capabilities of first the keeper and then Swash and Agent Smirnov at fine leg and 3^rd man respectively as his radar was clearly affected by the height of the towers now being erected along the west side of the ground. Waz shared the new ball but the youngsters mixed stout defence with the ability to punish any slight error in length or line. Soon the score was rattling along but we were cheered by the arrival of Gog who took up his customary place behind the stumps to offer his own peculiar brand of wisdom, encouragement, bon hommie and tales of the unexpected of an armed response team attending a robbery at a newsagent’s as the caller had said “one shoplifter has a Magnum”. Happily, we learned this was of an ice cream variety but wondered if there was a Bounty on their heads …

Just as he had at Caerleon, Jez was encouraging us to seek a breakthrough as the drinks break loomed and so it was Jimmy who found the pitch to his liking and so drinks were taken with the score 97 for 1 after 20 overs. We reckoned that if we could hold them to 220-230 we would do well given the Wanderers' start and depth of batting line up.

However, “it’s a funny old game” is an oft-used phrase in cricket and it was true of today’s contest. Just when they thought they could play their cards right and accelerate, a superb spell of bowling in tandem by Jimmy and Simmo destroyed the cream of the Wanderers batting. Both bowled through with Jimmy finishing with 8-3-16-3 and Simmo 8-1-24-2. The mid-innings spell had yielded only 40 or so runs for the loss of 5 front line wickets. This also saw some enterprising and attacking fields being set by the skipper with, at times, 4 men round the bat: Grizz at short point, Waz at even shorter (and extremely) silly mid-off, Glyn at slip and Jez at leg slip. Faced with crouching tigers, and hidden dragons in the pitch as viciously spun balls from Jimmy and artfully swung deliveries from Simmo, the batsmen simply couldn’t play with any degree of freedom. The end of their spells brought little respite as Glyn followed up with a tidy spell taking 1/31.

Gog’s influence was to the fore with some moments of sublime keeping a la Jack Russell including 2 well-taken stumpings and a sharp catch, blended with his best stars in their eyes impression: “tonight, Jeremy, I’m Kamran Akmal” – missing two stumpings, one of which had the batsman 8 yards down the pitch, an attempt to catch a ball which was about to hit the wicket and bowl the batsmen as it looped back but he only managed to parry it away from the stumps and an attempted run out when he sent the whole set flying about 15 seconds before the ball reached him.

This drove "I was Monty's double" to distraction and so Brownie decided it was much wiser to do his own fielding, taking a caught and bowled in the final over of the innings. Wanderers had been held to just 165 from 40 overs, much less than they must’ve hoped at the drinks break but testament to a superb effort by the bowlers backed up by excellent fielding all round, especially by Swash, Jimmy, Glyn, Grizz and JT.

The tea interval saw a huddled conflab between The Oracle and the Club’s antiquarian for a quick CSI [Ed: Cricket Statistics Investigated, apparently] to agree how many runs Waz actually needed to break the Cavalier’s long standing batting record of 650 runs in a season. The difficulty was identified in the high scoring match against Oz Bar where his total had been entered erroneously and so it came to pass that Warwick needed 20 runs to surpass the record.

Steaders was entrusted with starting the innings with Waz, both tasks at the forefront of his mind – get Waz to 20 and get us to 166. Wanderers, however, were determined that whatever life we had extracted from the pitch with the ball they would find too. It may have been our imagination but Waz seemed strangely quiet amidst the opening gambit and it was young Andy who kept the scoreboard ticking and then positively rolling with 39 from an opening stand of 50 in just 11 overs. Sadly, he picked out the solitary fielder on the off-side boundary with pinpoint precision. Jimmy quickly made his mark with 2 crisply struck boundaries before an Exocet scudded through low and bowled him.

Waz was still on 8 and we wondered if it had been wise of Mr Adams to dangle the carrot of glittering prizes at tea or whether it might become a case of mission impossible.  However, it was Grizz who was now charged with the dual task and he immediately set about ensuring that the pressure was taken off Warwick with excellent defence coupled with some delightful shots all round the wicket including a six back over the bowler’s head that thudded into the red safety netting that separated the field of play from the Auf Wiedersehen Pet lookalike. In one moment of madness with a suicidal call from Waz for a single Grizz was even ready to sacrifice his own wicket to leave his partner intact but when opportunity knocks not every fielder can take advantage of of the golden shot offered him.

It would be stretching matters to say it was a chanceless innings from Grizz but he is one who treasures these moments of history-making in the club and was determined to do all in his power to see Warwick to his milestone. Fitting it was, therefore, that Grizz should be the first to congratulate Warwick when he played the ball behind square for the 2 runs that took his season’s tally to 651. A most endearing set of likely lads sharing a moment of history.

Seemingly with the shackles shed from his shoulders Waz then proceeded to unfurl an array of shots and, together with Grizz, put on 72 for the third wicket before being out with 33 still needed. Sad to recount but at this stage Jez, who had been keeping an immaculate scorebook, began to feel the pressure and reeled off a set of scores, overs and wickets that bore little resemblance to the final countdown. It was as well that such a seasoned hand and cool head as Buckle should be keeping the other book and so the scoreboard was set right before any harm or confusion could arise.

JT strode to the wicket but, finding the angle of the sun too much, borrowed the baggy green cap of Brownie that had witnessed 200+ wickets in its lifetime. With the balance of the match tilting first one way and then back the other – one ball we were up with the rate, the next few we were behind. But these were experienced heads and some well-judged blows from JT took him to 21 not out at better than a run a ball and us over the winning line. Grizz finished unbeaten on 32 and had batted for just a minute over an hour.

There was much celebration and congratulation, the Cavaliers forming a guard of honour to shake Wazzer’s hand and then to share thanks and commiserations with our hospitable and worthy opponents.

Before we can leave this scene to reflect on the twin peaks reached today – as it is some years since we last defeated Barry Wanderers – we must record a Close Encounter in the pavilion when one of our number, perhaps on a mission at the Queen’s behest, emerged from the ladies with only a less than full-size bath towel swaddled about his mid-rift and, on being challenged as to his business within that most sacred of closets, declared “Shaving.”  If this was an euphemism it was a new one to most of the assembled party and, if not, why he'd not done a Henson and done his legs before the game? Grizz was later to fall foul of a double indemnity when he left the ale house before the Court could be convened and so shall have his crimes and misdemeanours considered at a later stage. This fine victory brings a symmetry to our successes this season with an equal number of games having been won both home and away. Persuaded to forego a night at Altolusso, Wazzer was delivered to The Claude for an evening full of great expectations. 

[Ed: apologies. Apparently our reporter who has most often been accused of swallowing lexicons and thesauri has clearly added the TV Times to his dietary consumption.]

South Wales Sri Lankans, 10 September. Cav 142/8 (Steadman jnr 24, Simpson 16no), Sri Lankans 146/4 (24.x ovs, D Parsons 2/23, Moore 1/13). Lost by 6 wickets

1. The sun was out (not in), the sky was blue, there was little cloud to spoil the view, but it was raining, raining in my heart. This was because the President had told me that the love of his life (his lawn) had suffered a severe crewcut to leave it struggling for life in the late summer sun. I shared his pain as he shared my car to the Llandaff Oval on a bright and beautiful day for a game of “Smite the leather”.
    
2. We arrived under the infamous UWIC parking barrier without mishap as the President (Old Joe) recalled the dangerous nature of this red & white beast to shudder down with a menacing air on unsuspecting drivers who trusted its mighty judgement of who could enter the UWIC car parking areas. We were allowed in and came upon the Honourable Moore (“Golden Knuckles”) who was showing off his ancient mariner knees and most lean and handsome he looked in his beguiling off-the-shin little number as he plucked various items of a gnarled cricketer’s ensemble from his boot locker.
    
3. The decision was made by the President to leave the Brechdanau (Welsh for sandwiches) in the cool of the boot to prevent that tropical heat disease “curly hard edge syndrome” from striking the Hovis. We bravely took the water and gentlemen’s cricket kit to the boundary edge offering cheery greetings to our guests the South Wales Sri Lankans (previously known as Ceylon when Clive Inman played for them). We also offered good afternoons to the assorted Cavaliers who had arrived – a fine bunch of men and all looking post-Saturday night delirium. The kit bags turned up (despite the Hon Sec's fears) and the Sri Lankans had upstaged us by setting up their own scoreboard before the Cavaliers snug-as-a-bug modern version could “tug of war” style be pulled out of its black shroud. It did serve as a very useful picnic table for the mid-match repast and whoever had that idea should blooming well clean it [Ed: apparently one of the Captain’s more esoteric notions ...]
    
4. Prior to the captains tossing a sovereign to determine who should burn in the desert sun, the Fossil aka little Saeed came across and the conversation turned to eye tests, whether this was a suggestion that we needed some or a genuine offer to avoid the draconian fee was never clearly established. However it seems that the University has a need for victims to be gouged by Opthalmic students at certain times and if you are willing to risk your eyesight to save some money Saeed is your man.
    
5. So to the game: Cavaliers to “smite the leather” first, Steadman & Parsons to open and a fine job they did of it with both taking a liking to some good bowling (the Sri Lankans had brought a team with no pie chuckers in evidence). Parsons was playing well, until he sighted a boundary marker stick which was in his eye line and protested that it must be removed. Then a straight one undid him for an lbw decision given by the honest Judge. New arrival from Oz Bar Mark Davies was undone for a quick innings and was noted to be trying to show-case a new fashion for footwear: a backfoot sandal  and a frontfoot conventional white number. The call went up for a whipround to purchase a second shoe but this was declined on the discovery of the red and raw blisters on his feet from some unknown adventure. Duffy came and went and so the boy wonder known as golden knuckles (Hon Moore) joined Steaders (the one handed catching maestro) at the crease. In-between times the umpire “old Joe” was marching to the boundary to water the weeds, he has a strong interest in ensuring all plants and grasses are well looked after, the addition of refined Brains beers in his water is a factor in this [Ed: is this the antithesis of watering down the beer ...] It does not help us when the overgrown weeds try to hide our balls and he should be reminded of this.
    
6. Unfortunately the class act was interrupted when Steaders fell to Kunala for a nicely played 24. The tall and debonair “Lanky" Ward then came to try his luck, but despite looking comfortable was caught without troubling the scorers. This brought the stout President Joey Newbury into the fray and he looked as if he had never been away. Despite the twin fears of his scorched lawn and that his neighbour (the Hon Treasurer) was going to be late for his styling appointment at Constantinou’s he played with an accomplished air that becomes a man of his stature. Unfortunately he was bowled shortly after an unusual incident. Which is described below.
    
7. The ex, former Captain of our illustrious team was standing as umpire (one N.Adams by name should MCC wish to investigate him) when the scorers and, fortunately, the Sri Lankans skipper noted a triple bouncing delivery that strongly resembled a “no-ball” which smote Hon Moore low down in front of middle-stump. The appeal for leg before by the keeper was drowned out by some boundary louts shouting reminders that this delivery has, since 2000, been legislated as a “no ball”. The opposition’s skipper kindly informed the umpire who made the appropriate signal without, it appeared, apology to the batsman or bowler and then promptly allowed a 5 ball over. The boundary louts were now in full voice and the said umpire took it upon himself (in the name of the MCC and no doubt the Queen of England) to state that the next over would contain 7 balls as he had already called over on the 5 ball one. The members at Lords would no doubt have been outraged at this if they had witnessed it and surely the lawmakers of cricket are still spinning in their graves at this conduct. The sinner must have been on his telepathic phone as Mrs Grizz appeared at the gate soon after and whisked Nigel away, with a screeching of tyres to probably escape the outraged citizens of Llandaff who had gotten wind of the debacle.
    
8. The next batsman in was the Gog who proceeded to grind out an innings determined to wait for a weak Sri Lankan bowler but unfortunately there was not one. So a painstaking innings of 12 not out was manufactured, this despite being fooled first ball by a high delivery coming out of the trees that swerved and struck an ample buttock. The classy Moore was dispatched, obviously driven to distraction by the Gog’s forward defensive, and young Sean Taylor came to the crease to show that he has a good eye and a steady temperament before he fell. Captain Simmo (of the star corps) came in and played steadily finishing with a final over flourish whereupon he dispatched the fast bowler, who had been kept back, for a couple of boundaries finishing on 16 not out.
    
9. Tea was then served on the hinterland of the Oval with Steadman being very concerned that he had lost his plums. However these were found residing in a sac close to his kit. A couple of Cavaliers had a chew on them and declared them delicious.
    
10. The total to get was 143 in 40 overs and the Sri Lankan batsmen were the equal of their bowlers playing some nice strokes. Duffy was unlucky not to get an lbw to a ball that the batsman offered no shot to and was hit in front of middle. Duffy was reasonably accurate not spraying too many down leg to test the Keeper. Huw Parsons opened with him at the other end and bowled a steady line. However Huw’s twin brother Dave Parsons came on in the 8^th over and took wickets in his 1^st & 3^rd overs reducing our opposition to 56 for 2. One of these victims was the fossil who fell to the master catcher (Steaders) just inside the mid wicket boundary [Ed: presumably the fossil could remember playing this ball otherwise all sort of mischief may have ensued …]
     
11. The President was then introduced into the attack and bowled with swinging venom [Ed: is this more effective than venomous swing???] taking the wicket of the opener who went for a well struck 40 (Old Joe’s 1 for 24 off 5 overs) was a fair return for the effort expended. He did mention in the alehouse afterwards that the “stiffening up” process helped take his mind off his lawn grief. Captain Simmo then tried other bowlers and despite good efforts from Mark (new shoes) Davies and Dog Crusher Steadman they could not dislodge the batsmen. So it fell to “Golden Knuckles” to deliver the “coup de grace” and Niluka fell for 25. The captain then came on and the runs were harvested by the Sri Lankans to complete the game.
     
12. Several of the Cavaliers then migrated to the Maltsters to recall the day’s events and have a jar of the foaming ale. It had been an enjoyable afternoon’s cricket and all had contributed under the cathedral’s gaze for our last home fixture of the season.

Chartered Trust, 7 September. Cav 121/3 (Hutchings 48; Marchant 22); Char Trust 118/3 (Marchant 1/4; Mark Davies 1/32). Won by 3 runs

"Ashes" series is shared one game all

The final mid-week fixture of the season was treated to a beautiful sunny evening at the Oval though the low sun inevitably threatened to cause a few problems for all. With both captains agreeing to a 16 over contest with bowling from both ends, the toss appeared to be a vital one to win. Captain Simpson again called correctly and opted to bat with Hutchings and Steadman opening. Both set about laying the foundations for an imposing total, Nick  bludgeoning the ball to the off side boundary and Steaders displayed some lovely deft touches, with one exquisite sweep to the boundary particularly impressing the fielders, before finally departing for 22 in an innings, which included 4 boundaries.

Controversy ensued after the fall of Steadman’s wicket with the scorers insistent that umpires Bowen and Davis had called over a ball short on no less than three occasions. Both umpires were of similar mind that the number of deliveries were in accordance with the laws of the game, and pondered whether the scorers were fully on the ball. However, in the extra strewn opening spell of the innings it is of course possible that the pair in the middle couldn’t cope and that the task of counting to six proved too much [Ed: the scorers, Simmo and Caesar, are insistent that they recorded the deliveries accurately]. Regardless of the rights and wrongs, everyone concerned hoped that the issue would not come back to haunt us.

Marchant joined Hutchings and both carried on the great start.  Nick eventually fell just 2 runs short of what would have been a deserved half century and Jimmy made a rapid 22 including 2 fours and one huge six straight back over the bowler's head. Adams and debutant Mark Davies were unbeaten at the crease as the Cavaliers reached a very competitive total of 121/3.

Duffy opened the bowling with the advantage of a very low sun behind his back, but the batsmen rode their luck and Jase was very unlucky to finish on 0/21 from his 3 overs. He fared somewhat better than his opening bowing partner Bowen who only managed to complete two deliveries before falling awkwardly on his right arm whilst attempting to take a potential caught and bowled opportunity. With his arm shot, Marchant was called up to finish the over [Ed: Panda’s propensity to injury since his marriage – this is his 5^th now – gives us cause for concern as to what Mrs Panda is putting in his porridge and just exactly how much life cover he carries ...] Jimmy proved to be typically difficult to get away finishing with an excellent 1/4 from his 2.4 overs!

A potential first for the Cavaliers was when debutant Mark Davies was ‘caught short’. As the CT batsman lofted the ball over bowler Simpson’s head towards the well placed long on, the fielder was observed to be on his knees with his back to the play taking a ‘comfort break’. Fortunately, the fielder wasn’t forced to attempt a one handed catch as the ball landed 18 yards short of the boundary, and with some quick adjustment to his 'equipment' a possible boundary was kept to just a single.

The boundary episode aside, Mark produced an excellent spell of quick, hostile bowling proving exceptionally unlucky to concede 32 runs for his overs, but this spell also included his first wicket for the club, cleaning up the stumps with a typical rapid delivery. The fact that the run rate escalated said much more about the aggression of the CT batsmen from the midway point of the innings rather than the quality of the bowling.

Some excellent fielding was also evident from the Cavaliers. Nick was on top form behind the stumps, pouncing quickly on a risky single to run out the CT batsman who was in fine form. Had the batsman remained in, it was likely that CT would have eased to victory rather than set up the nail biting finish which ensued.

For the second match running Simpson turned to Steadman to bowl the final over with the match finely balanced with just 7 needed for victory. An excellent well directed start to the over upped the pressure on the CT batsmen. With boundaries continuing to evade the batsmen, they had no alternative other than to try and open their shoulders. Then the key moment – Simpson took a difficult catch on the cover boundary in the now gloomy conditions.  With just one delivery remaining, CT needed 5 to win and 4 to draw [Ed: echoes of the earlier meeting of the two teams where Jez was faced with having to score 7 off the final ball to win the game – he failed]. The Cavaliers fielders were spread all around the boundary (including the wicket keeper!) and Steadman produced the goods with the batsman swinging and missing to leave just a single bye available.

A tremendously enjoyable match for all concerned played in fine spirit by both sides on a lovely late summer evening and was this first time for many a game that we have tasted victory against Trust, continuing our great season of record-breaking, collectors' items and long-awaited wins over particular teams.

Highways Hurricanes, 31 August. Cav 113/8 (Moore 21, Steadman jnr 17), Hurricanes 114/4 (16ovs, Bowen 1/1, Brown 1/10). Lost by 6 wickets off the last ball of the match

Hurricanes retain the C&H Trophy

The gauntlet had clearly been flung down with many of the Hurricanes big guns having been summoned from their holidays and labours and it was a very different looking opposition from last week's encounter. With a number of Cavaliers struggling to make the start time, Hurricanes gamely suggested that we dispense with the toss and they'd field so we could get the match underway. As the day's captain, Mr Hutchings, was one of those detained in traffic it fell to the umpiring Oracle to agree the terms of the game with the Hurricanes and to decide on a batting that was missing a few of its components. Dave and Grizz opened and seemed quite comfortable until Dave tried a leg glance that was ever so fine, too much so as it grazed leg stump on its way to the boundary. However, sufficient time had passed for Nick to arrive and take his place in the top of the order but he managed just one scoring shot before falling to a skyer, the first catch Hurricanes took in a game when they spilled 5 chances of varying degrees of difficulty. This brought Andy Steadman to the crease for his first game since having a plate inserted in his thumb which he broke at the end of June. Despite a long lay off, Andy was in good touch with, perhaps, just a little bit of timing and power awry, and so he was content to keep the board ticking over with well judged singles, although he did hit a lovely six.

Meanwhile Grizz was giving catching practice but was dropped off successive deliveries before eventually finding one man who could hold on to the ball when offered to him. JT entered the fray and started to pepper the boundary but was caught on the ropes at long-off and so it was left to The Honourable to hold the innings together and he top scored with 21, including a 6, before being run out. At this stage we must pause to reflect on Nigel's dismissal to provide further elucidation of the fine art of cricket, its rules, etiquette and conduct. On attempting the single the ball was shied at the stumps as the keeper slid towards them to take the ball. The keeper's slide interposed himself between the line of The Oracle's sight at square leg and the stumps. As he did so, the ball simultaneously reached the wicket, bails were dislodged and the ball sped away. The batsmen then ran a second. The Hurricanes appealed. The Oracle, being unsighted as to whether it had been the ball or the keeper who was responsible for the removal of the bails, made his way quietly to his colleague at the bowler's end, the veritable Mr Poulsom, explained his view was obstructed and enquired whether Glyn had seen what happened. On being advised that Glyn did not think that the keeper had hit the stumps, The Oracle then consulted with the keeper and ascertained that he had not interfered with the wickets and so gave The Honourable out. He then had to ensure that the remaining batsman returned to the non-striker's end for the continuation of the match. We take so long to explain this to set out from a live example that it is perfectly proper (and within the rules) for umpiring colleagues to consult before making and giving decisions, and if more did so there might be less rancour than if teams feel there's been a 'dodgy' decision.

With several other run outs, we closed on a competitive but by no means unattainable score of 113 from our 16 overs.

The first delivery of the Hurricanes reply from Panda was a little wide outside off stump which the opener looked to carve to the cover boundary for 6 but had reckoned without the one handed catching skills of Steaders patrolling that sector and so the first man was gone to the first ball with none on the board. Some characteristically tight bowling from Panda who finished with 1/1 and a good first over from debutante Jonathan Davies put Hurricanes under a lot of pressure. Then Jon had second over syndrome which had so afflicted Jez earlier on in the season [Ed: this is similar to the well commented upon "second season season syndrome" but means that one is found out in balls 7-12 rather than months 13-24]. However, tight spells by Dave P and Grizz clawed some of the initiative back and the Hurricanes were behind the rate at the half way stage but with plenty of wickets in hand.

The introduction of the double centurion, Mr Brown,  broke the partnership but this only brought Jim Stagg to the crease who hits the ball hard and cleared the ropes. With the game swinging between the two teams with, it seemed, virtually every ball bowled, a dot ball bringing it seemingly within the the grasp of the Cavaliers and a boundary or a scampered single taking it back towards the Hurricanes. There were appeals for run outs, all to The Oracle's end, one of which was too close to call and so the benefit of the doubt was given, as it should, to the batsman and one where he adjudged the bowler had not got a touch on the ball which was driven into non-striker's stumps. Stagg fell to a smart bit of fielding off his own bowling by The Honourable who put down the wicket at the striker's end.

So it came to the last over with 7 needed and Steaders charged with bowling it. A wide was followed by a dot ball, 6 from 5, and so the cat-and-mouse encounter continued, two runs, bye, dot ball, two runs which never looked on but somehow the batsman made his ground, and the scores were level with one ball remaining. Steaders put the ball up in the block hole and the batsman could only get some pad on it, the ball resting just beyond his crease but captain Griffo at the non-striker's end was determined to get there and safely reached the stumps so it was now whether "Aggressive" Rees could get out of the blockhole and up to the other end before Dave P, swooping in from short gully, could rocket the ball to the bowler. Alas, for Cavalier supporters, but to the jubilation of the Hurricanes the ground was made and so Hurricanes had won off the last ball of the match. A truly epic encounter with great performances on both sides and, as ever, good humour and sportsmanship.

Highways Hurricanes, 24 August. Cav 143/3 (Armstrong 47, D Parsons 41no), Hurricanes 85 ao (13.3 ovs, Adams 1/0, Moore 2/5). Won by 58 runs

[Ed: C&H Trophy series tied at 1-1 with deciding match to be played on 31 August]

HURRIES CANED! might have been the headline chosen by the sub-editors had this match report been appearing in that august daily journal The Sun for while the soporific sunshine may have turned lesser men’s thoughts to a tranquil evening of sport in the shadow of Llandaff Cathedral where, strangely for a lovely day, the campanologists were given some time off, our reporter found the Cavaliers in determined mood. The C&H Trophy remains our sole chance of silverware this year and that steel was further hardened when Mr Driscoll of the the Hurricanes declared they only had 8 players, which should be enough to see us off! But that didn’t stop them from borrowing one of the appointed match officials to guest for them [Ed: can you imagine Inzy asking Darrell Hair if he could make up the numbers ...] This left The Oracle to preside over fair play and ensure no skulduggery from a bunch of engineers who first destroyed and then lost the equipment provided to them, namely the freebie pen we had provided with the scorebook.

Fresh from his journeys into deepest darkest midge-land, the Russian appeared tanned and confident in shaping to leave his first ball, adjusting his movement to back and across when he sensed it was pitched a little shorter than he had first adduced, then getting in to line in text book fashion only to hear the tinkle of the timbers as he was some 10 seconds late in the execution of this entire sequence of movements and so joins Wazzer as re-qualifiers for the Primary Club this season. Jason, though, was determined to get bat on ball no matter how wide it was or how risky it may be and moved onto 29 with 4 fours and a six before he stretched for another wide one and succeeded in drilling it to a tumbling Poulsom in the covers.

This brought in Mr Armstrong. Before we can describe his innings we should firstly advise any of those tempted by the lavish adverts for the luminous towering condominiums that now dominate the skyline of Cardiff that they, for all their trendy modern glitz, can leave residents in the lurch. Waz was distraught to discover that the Concierge service at Altolusso had failed to pack his newly laundered and razor-sharp creased whites into his kit bag and he was left trouserless. As any man will know, to be in public without one's trousers is a troublesome state of affairs and he was only saved from having to bat in his undies by the kind offer from The Honourable to have his whites. Happily, this careworn tale was left at the boundary's edge when he stepped across the whitewash and Waz then proceeded to show deft touches with crafty tickles round the corner and finding the gaps for some well taken ones and twos with Dave P who was rapidly becoming the anchorman of the innings. In very quick time, Wazzer unfurled his full panoply of shots and was somewhat unlucky to miss a yorker when yet another half-century was within reach, having struck 8 fours. As one might have suspected with a team naming itself after a local authority department that is responsible for the potholes and overgrown roundabouts, the Hurricanes fielders enjoyed acquainting themselves with the jungle that divides Llandaff Oval from the River Taff as they sought the ball despatched beyond the boundary by Jase, Waz and Dave. We finished on 143 from 18 overs with Dave carrying his bat for 41.

The Hurricanes reply was short and enabled us to gain some extra time in the pub. Depsite bolstering their numbers to 11 with some late arrivals, it would not have made much odds if they’d had 15 or 20 such was the control the Cavaliers bowlers showed with the white ball [Ed: why do so many professional complain about it … should we provide coaching lessons for them?]

Again, Jason was unlucky to be wicketless and was as economical as ever. Indeed, only Waz took some stick (in his first over) but then clawed that back with his second. We cannot pick out any bowler as being the best – all excelled – and there were excellent displays of the art and craft of slow bowling from The Honourable (2/5), Dave P (1/4), Grizz (1/0) and, of course, our recent double centurion, Monty’s Double who notched up victims 201 and 202 during the game. Enquiry was made of Agent Smirnov whether he might now bring out a range of leisurewear entitled "Brown's 201s" but he would not be drawn until he had visited the patent office the next morn.

The Oracle, as sharp eyed as ever, noticed that Captain Simpson has a curious habit that had not been witnessed on the field of play or been commentated upon or written about in the vast swathes of cricketing literature - a dragging front foot. Older readers will be familiar with the "dragging back foot" from the days of the old back foot no-ball law but this is entirely a new genre of foot dragging, with the front foot, on landing, been dragged across the line of the crease. [Ed: this may explain why so many opposition umpires call Simmo for no-balls as they perceive his foot has landed over the line when, it is clear from The Oracle's highly authorative elucidation, that the foot has landed behind the line but is then dragged over it].

With two very sharp run outs, the other 8 wickets were all bowled – some cleanly and some dirtily [Ed: batsman edged it onto to the stumps or, in two instances, it deflected off their pads] – and the Hurricanes were indebted to Lewis Bowen’s 33 for taking the match into the 13^th over and a partly respectable score. They appeared a somewhat chastened team after the stumps had been drawn, particularly as this was our first victory against them since Dwyer’s match more than 2 years ago. So we move on to next week's deciding game with honours even and the Hurricanes scuttling off to the Post Office to issue urgent  telegrams summoning their errant missing players in an attempt to strengthen their squad in attempt to retain their grip on the C&H Trophy that, last night at any rate, looked tenuous.

White Hart, 20 August

Brake st Davis bw Brown 55. Congratulations to Graeme on reaching 200 recorded wickets for the Cavaliers

It is rare to depart from the normal match summary style but, on a day that might otherwise remembered for all the wrong reasons at the Oval, we pay tribute to a Cavalier who truly epitomises the spirit of the game – Brownie – a founding father of the team 28 years ago. It was also fitting that he should be helped to this milestone by Gog, another of the original Cavaliers.

White Hart 259/3 (Simpson 1/23, Brown 1/29). Cavaliers 92 all out (35.5 ovs, Dave Parsons 41, Armstrong 12). Lost by 167 runs

Rumours were circulating faster than one of Alistair Campbell’s dossiers that Captain Simpson had mislaid his magic touch, losing his second toss in a row – had his hair been cut? Had his rabbit foot gone missing? Was his horseshoe off kilter? Hence we were consigned to bowling first on an artificial strip that offered very little to the bowler and any slight error in line or length would be meat and drink to a pub team that turned out to be less a group of ale suppers than a number of very good club cricketers who happened to share a hostelry.

Deciding that the carpet would be slow and take turn, Simmo opted for the spin duo Adams and Armstrong to see if they could weave a web of flight and intrigue and both started steadily. Waz, in particular, was parsimonious going for only 16 in his opening burst of 4 overs. This tourniquet was continued by Osian, looking tanned after a full week spent putting down decking in the garden that he calculated would need only a day at most. He caused the batsmen a few nervous moments and conceded only 14 runs from his 4 over spell.

However, we didn’t look like shifting the openers despite the introduction of Dave P who tantalised, teased and toyed with them, with several near misses and a valiant attempt by Grizz at cow corner who made great ground in an attempt to make the catch that would have been quite superb if held. It was an unusual source that made the breakthrough and it had been foretold by The Oracle. He had been castigated by Brown some overs earlier when the ball had been played some 20 feet wide of him and the batsmen trotted an easy single: “C’mon, Sparkes, sharpen up” he was admonished. Still smarting he concentrated his energies into geeing up the team and encouraged the Captain “Let’s get one of these guys out before the drinks break”. He was then startled when the opener drove the third ball of Simmo’s over straight to him at chest height. Amazingly, he held on to it and then remarked that, in a season of collector’s item, here was another: his first ever catch for the Cavaliers.

Meanwhile, Mark Metters earned himself a new sobriquet: “Snax” as he disappeared at regular intervals to the far distant pavilion and re-emerged with a wide selection of consumables which he devoured from time to time. Jez wanted a share of them as Snax displayed a superb arm with throws from the furthest part of the ground right to the stumps. Osian then showed that it was not perhaps the edibles that made the difference as he seemed to be in a two-horse competition with Snax to see who could return it the furthest.

While some are born great, others achieve greatness and some have it thrust upon them, so there are some that shun the mantle of history that could be clothed about their shoulders and step back from the limelight. A man of modest demeanour, Osian clearly decided that he should not be the one to be bracketed with Brownie’s 200^th wicket feat and made an absolutely dog’s dinner of the easiest of catches arcing gently to him at deep backward square. This was followed by a spill at 1^st slip off Simmo, a chance that Brown, who had been usurped from this position, insisted he would have snaffled as easy as shelling peas [Ed: perhaps he could have chosen a more appropriate analogy].

We did not, though, have to wait too much longer when, in Brownie’s next over, the opener attempted to use his feet to a well flighted delivery, advanced too far and was beaten by the Gog’s swing of the gloves to remove the bails. Gray had taken his 200^th wicket since Cavaliers’ records began – and the Club’s antiquarian was there to witness it for himself [Ed: apparently there is no truth to the rumour that Brown had been seen in the opposition dressing room before the start and had picked out which one of them would be his 200^th victim …]

There was one further success when Simmo, surely the pick of our bowlers in only conceding 23 runs in his 8 overs, had the batsman caught behind by Gog off the toe of the bat as he attempted to cut one angled across him. With wickets in hand and no assistance for the bowlers from the pitch, White Hart began to flay the ball to all parts. It was somewhat of a surprise to learn, at the close of the innings, that we had kept them down to just over 6 runs/over, which shows how hard we had worked in the field and with ball in hand.

An excellent tea was taken amid a buzz as events at the Oval began to unfold and messengers shuttled back and forth between the tea room and the large screen in the bar. The old hands were clearly unsettled by the damage done to the spirit of the game and some of the younger Cavaliers asked to be excused umpiring duty when it came to our time to bat. However, the deportment and manner of both sides underlined the essentially courteous and gentlemanly nature of the contest known as cricket. Bowlers apologised for deliveries that were inappropriate for a Sunday friendly and batsmen walked before the umpire was required to decide whether there’d been any glove or bat on it, and were commended on their sportsmanship by their opponents.

It would be nice to report that our batting efforts equalled the high standards of decorum but this was a very well drilled opposition who offered few loose balls and some canny field placings. Dave P and Waz opened and put on 28 before Waz picked up on a rare loose delivery but only managed to drive it to a tumbling fielder at point. Dave continued, unfazed by the comings and goings of his partners, Mr Adams and JT departing quickly, but was eventually out for a well crafted 41, which turned out to be more than half our total of runs scored with the bat.

There then followed an interesting passage of play, with two of our seniors – Gog and The Oracle – facing a very pacy and accurate youngster. Jez demonstrated that fine principle of getting into line and even played a lifter well, managing to keep it down.  Gog, meanwhile, displayed the old pro's knack of observing the drama from the non-striker's end and declined Mr Sparkes invitation to relieve him of the strike. Jez even frustrated the bowler enough that he changed to the tactic, sometimes considered intimidatory, of bowling round the wicket, but still without success, except that he did manage to dispose of Gog and Simmo, both caught behind. Eventually, forced to come back over the wicket and with the final delivery of his allocation, he snared Jez, coming off his shorter run and arcing the ball down leg. Jez, sensing a gift, only managed to feather it with his glove to the keeper going wide to his left. A sad end to a stoic innings.

There was some entertainment to come, with the White Hart’s joke bowlers brought on but the laughs were not ours as first Osian, who managed to play straight to his first ball but couldn’t maintain it for the second, then Glyn and, finally, Rabbit all holed out, their keeper finishing with 6 catches in the game.

In lovely evening sunshine, Judge Gog Davis decided to convene court al fresco and judgement was duly handed down amid quaffing of a fine jug of ale purchased  by Mr Brown to celebrate his landmark and discussion as to whether a commemorative plastic beaker might be struck in his honour.

Oz Bar Wizards, 15 August. Oz Bar 180/2 (Duffy 1/12; Marchant 0/23). Cavaliers 183 for 2 (15.2ovs, Armstrong 54no; Marchant 49). Won by 8 wickets. Cav 2pts, Oz Bar 0pts.

Ed's update: the club's antiquarian has now been consulted and it is believed that our total in this game is the highest ever score made by the Cavaliers batting second to win a match, surpassing the 181 made at Boughton Hall in 2003 (which was a longer tour game anyway), and is also believed to be our highest ever score in the mid-week Willow League.

The statistical records will have to be checked yet again in this season of great performances: this time to see if successfully chasing down 180 is a record score for us in a Willow League game – it certainly felt like one with the adrenalin still surging an hour or two after the game had finished and we had repaired to the pub. With only 10 men as a certain Cavalier had fixed his wedding for a match day [Ed: Judge, is this not the most heinous of offences …] Jason once again showed what a class strike bowler he is, conceding just 12 runs from his 3 overs when the opposition averaged 10 an over across the whole innings. He also dismissed the opener with a rocket and could have had a second wicket if a very sharp chance coming awkwardly at shoulder height had been grasped. Jase was well supported by Jimmy who only conceded 23 runs in his spell.

However, Oz Bar’s Mogridge has scored a mountain of runs this year and continued in same vein, particularly peppering the short boundary with a flurry of 4s and 6s. He finished unbeaten on 86 and probably would’ve scored a deserved ton if it had been a 20 over game. He offered only one chance, again a sharp chance to Jez in the covers who managed to get his fingers under the ball as he went forward but couldn’t get enough grip on the firmly hit shot.

While the score may look as though the bowlers were wayward, the short boundary played a big part and it is indicative of the way everyone bowled in a disciplined fashion that only 8 wides were conceded. There was also some excellent fielding, notably by Caesar who has worked hard on this during the season and effected some great stops and a run out where the batsmen sensed an easy single but were undone by a sharp one handed stop, quick throw over the stumps straight into Gog's gloves [Ed: is this another another of those collector's items...] and the batsman gone.

We were encouraged in our endeavours by the appearance of The Honourable, who was aghast to discover we were one player short but it would have been inappropriate to bring him on the field some 10 overs into the game [Ed: he was chastised by the Secretary for failing to inform him of his return to Cardiff and subsequent availability; The Honourable will arrange for a vassel to do his penance].

The skipper decided packed his top order with our best batsmen and also to send out our two most experienced umpires in The Gog and The Oracle [Ed: perhaps they were the only two who knew the rules …]. After a steady first over, Nick Hutchings set the tone for our innings in the second over which went as follows: dot ball, 6 over point, 6 over point, 4, 6 over cover, 4 off a no-ball, dot ball. The scoreboard read 33 runs after 2 overs and it was quite clearly “game on”. From that point no bowler was spared as Nick, who hit 40 in 17 balls (4 fours and 3 sixes), and then Jimmy (49 with 7 fours and a six) ran riot. Warwick was no slouch either, hitting several boundaries and, most importantly, taking quick singles to rotate the strike. He finished on 54 not out.

Curiously, Oz Bar seemed to lack any form of leadership on the field with very few field changes or tactical variations; quite a contrast to our bowling where Simmo varied things and senior players were contributing suggestions and advice.

It was a tremendous feat, reaching a huge total and with nearly 3 overs to spare – it meant we’d averaged 12 runs an over. Jez insisted to the match reporter that though he neither bowled nor batted he wants his part in this epic victory to be acknowledged: with the batsmen from both sides finding the jungle that is alleged to be part of the flora of the Taff trail, at least 6 balls were lost. The new ball provided by Oz Bar, 4 spares from our bag and 1 spare from theirs. It was only because Jez had two spare balls in his bag that the Cavaliers were able to continue on their glory trail rather than have to shake hands on a drawn game that couldn't be completed due to the lack of a ball [Ed: doubtless if Brownie had been our reporter for this game we would have had learned literary references here to Richard I - "the battle was lost and all for want of a horseshoe nail" - but happily our reporter this time round hasn't got beyond the Janet & John section of the library].

We finished our Plate campaign on a high and wait to hear the final placings, with Sparky’s slide rule calculating that we have done enough to finish in the runners up slot at least.

The Consmen, 8 August. Consmen 157 for 5 (Anwar 2/5; Armstrong 1/6; Simpson 1/11); Cavaliers 103 for 7 (Duffy 21; Lewis 17). Lost by 54 runs

With Rhiwbina having scratched from the Plate game [Ed: for which we get the win points] it was fortuitous that The Consmen, who were due to play the previously scratched BA Dragons, were able to muster a team at fairly short order so we could repay the hospitality for the friendly with them earlier in the season. We were rocked back at the outset when Captain Simpson lost the toss and we found ourselves having to field in a game of 18 overs with no-one allowed more than two [Ed: perhaps if the selectors had known this they may have opted for a few more all-rounders in the side …]

As one can see from the score summary, several Cavaliers bowled excellent spells, taking wickets and being miserly, especially Riaz and Warwick. By contrast, there were others who were, if one is being charitable, leaned a little too much towards generosity [Ed: isn’t the word you’re looking for “profligacy”?] with the opposition batsman taking a particular liking to the pace, length and line of Messrs Sparkes and Poulsom. Our cause was not helped by putting down 3½ catches [Ed: the half, apparently, was the aforementioned Mr Sparkes at long on who was alleged by the opposition to be “doing a Simpson” with the boundary whitewash and so in failing to hold on to it avoided a diplomatic incident that could have been of Cuban missile proportions].

Some of our lesser known bowlers, Swash and Caesar, showed remarkable poise and ability when it came to their turn to complete a series of deliveries and Caesar also saved several runs with alert fielding at silly mid-on and mid-wicket. With copious extras thrown in too, we were faced with a challenging total but one on which, if they had as many non-bowlers in their 11 as we did, we felt we could mount a serious assault.

When Waz turned the ball behind square for his first run a huge cheer went up beyond the boundary; a cheer not in irony as Waz first thought (having been out for a golden duck in his last game) but in celebration and congratulation as he reached 500 runs for the season, with several games still to go [Ed: as one of his colleagues muttered, “I’d be pleased to get 500 runs in my career”.] He and  Jason put on 39 at just over a run a ball, with Jason ending up our top scorer with 21, and several others made starts but no-one was able to dominate a very disciplined set of bowlers, none of whom appeared to be a weak link in the Consmen chain.

There was entertainment from Geoff Lewis in his final innings as a single man, clearly wanting to have free rein to open his shoulders before having them hitched to the yoke that is in some places known as marriage, with 3 fours in 13 ball knock of 17. Caesar was the second Cavalier in three days to be found wanting in attempting a second run and there was an incident of glove flinging when one of our number (believed to be Dave) was adjudged LBW by the umpiring skipper. Happily we can advise readers that an earnest discussion between them after the game found them agreed upon many facts - the day of the week, the end the bowler came from and that there had been no interjection of willow onto the spherical object before rapping the pad.

The Consmen introduced us to the new concept of Valet Fielding: this is akin to Valet Parking where you have all the fun of the open road but forego the hassle of trying to manoeuvre your vehicle into a tight parking slot; the cricketing variant as espoused by Ricky Saunders is to do your own batting and bowl your overs but then have Steve “Trap Five” Davis field in your stead while you go off to dog training classes. Ricky, reputedly, also has someone to lick his stamps for him and lace his shoes.

This was also the evening that saw the introduction of a new ritual into the Cavaliers pantheon of match day practices, superstitions and customs: Ye Raising Of Ye Gazebo. Waz had been sold it on the basis that it would take two people just 5 minutes to erect it.  Aha, either the factory had been using pyramid-building Egyptians for its time trial or they had not reckoned with the lavish quantities of help, advice and butter-fingers that only Cavaliers can add to such a venture. Indeed, had any of our schoolteachers been there we might well have seen a new exam question devised: If it takes 3 Cavaliers 5 overs to erect a gazebo, by what factor would you increase this when 6 are involved in trying to dismantle it? However, it will be a welcome commodity on warm days and could also be hired out: Brown clearly saw potential when, lying supine in its midst, casual visitors off the beaten tourist track mistook it for a mausoleum.

Although well beaten it was a good game played in a fine spirit and meant that, instead of being let down by our respective Plate opposition, we could use a pitch and pleasant evening for a fully fledged game of cricket.

Rhiwbina, 8 August. Won with walkover as Rhiwbina scratched from the game. Cav 2pts, Rhiwbina 0pts

(a friendly fixture was arranged against The Consmen, which is reported above)

Failand & Portbury, 6 August. Cavaliers 186/9 (Hutchings 52, Adams 35, Simpson 28no); F&P 190/2 (23.1 ovs, Adams 1/25, Simpson 1/32). Lost by 8 wickets

[Ed: this report is produced as submitted. For those short of time, Penguin Books will be bringing out a paperback version of "Brown's Sports Reports 2006: Abridged" in the autumn once copyright issues have been settled ...]

This game confirmed again what a fickle mistress cricket can be. It was Warwick Armstrong who felt the full wrath of the cricketing gods when the Cavaliers descended upon this lovely small ground in the Bristol hinterland. Simpson won the toss and Armstrong, fresh from yet another fifty in his run sated season, took first ball only to edge to third slip where he was expertly caught. He no doubt reflected that a similar stroke had started his account at Wareham but was blissfully unaware of the debate as to the cause of his early demise. Whilst most of the party attributed it to the stress of shepherding the Cavaliers across Wessex a small but vociferous minority (ie. Adams and Brown) were less charitable. They postulated that his win at Poole greyhounds the previous night had exposed a hidden vice unhinging this sober public servant. Indeed, the contrast between his manic and feverish glee at the winning kiosk and his insouciance at the wicket is concerning. Nevertheless one hopes their baleful prediction of a series of ducks and an appearance at the insolvency court is unfulfilled.

However, the Cavaliers got a flying start courtesy of a bizarre disparity in the skills of the home attack. From the clubhouse end and down the slope Macca produced all out attack seeking to extend his early breakthrough but Hutchings rode the storm and counterpunched with a series of pulls and hooks to the short boundary. However from the other end “Chalky” suffered a private torture in the public domain with a deluge of wides from the bowling “yips” [Ed: he claimed that it was difficult to control the orange ball and that it “was swinging too much”. Later on, after a red ball had replaced the lost orange one, Chalky learned that there was no wave on the spectrum that could make any difference to his offerings.] Only Brown of the visitors had sympathy for his plight. His Cavalier team mates suggested a similar bowling style and tendency to limit their fielding to a half hearted foot waved at the ball meant they must have been twins separated at birth.

Sadly Davis’s brief tenure at the crease, illuminated by a delicious late cut through vacant third man (the position not the individual), was ended by Macca trapping him lbw with the first ball of an over. Adams entered the fray and survived several close appeals before ending the stanza by easing the ball to the cover boundary. Grizz, with his usual sense of perspective, later compared it to Michael Holding’s famous over to Geoff Boycott at Bridgetown, Barbados in 1984. It is comforting to note the Cavalier No4 could, unlike the gritty Yorkshireman, survive the challenge of “Whispering Death” (the proud possessor of 249 Test wickets) who was obviously masquerading as a pubescent Clifton College schoolboy.

“Moss in the Scorebox” was being overworked at this stage with the fifty coming up in the sixth over. Hutchings continued to strike the ball to all corners and reached his half century off just 26 balls before being trapped in front of the stumps. He has reached this landmark in his last three innings for the club [Ed: all inside the space of 6 days] and a little more judicious shot selection should see him achieve triple figures soon.

Understandably the scoring rate declined and the downward “Manhattan” became “New Jersey” after Adams chipped to point for a well played 35. The middle order become bogged down in the face of accurate bowling with only eight runs gathered from five overs at one stage. Buckle ignored the axiom of never running on a misfield and was dismissed returning for second helpings. Nonetheless this tour has seen a fine return for “Swash” from his recent injury. Similar congratulations are due to Poulsom in his first knock of the season.  He awoke from his nightwatchman slumber at the reappearance of the persevering “Chalky” to accelerate the run rate only for a pulled back muscle to prompt his temporary retirement. “Caesar the teaser” took up the cudgels entertaining the crowd by playing a shot that can only be described as tossing a “pancake” and depositing the ball equidistant between bowler, wicketkeeper and short mid off. He then recorded his single with a casual flick off the hips. He lost his wicket the next over but appeared to refuse submission by truculently marching down the track towards the umpire despite the glaring evidence of the rearrangement of the timbers.

The self acknowledged difficulties the Cavaliers have had with young boys over the years then re-emerged. Before the libel lawyers and the “News of the World” are alerted it is necessary to point out this weakness is limited to handling their bowling which is characterised by low bounce and nagging accuracy rather than anything unwholesome in the memberships’ lifestyle. Sparkes, Brown and Bowen perished to young Vig in valiant attempts to up a flagging run rate. The latter’s dismissal being his first of the season. His ill fortune continued with “Lazarus” Poulsom returning from the pavilion and requiring him to act as his runner. Upon completion of a sharp single he was the recipient of the enquiry as to whether the Cavalier runner himself required a runner. No doubt his mood was lightened by the hope a few low scores might persuade Sparkes to arbitrarily grant him his right to a batting average [Ed: it is not the size of his scores that matter, but where he puts them in the book].

Simpson then played a true captain’s innings of 28 not out garnished with sparkling off side drives and deft glances. He maintained concentration against “Chalky” whose deliveries were now of more concern to air traffic control and returning holiday makers on the nearby Severn Bridge than the batsman. Thus, the innings concluded. The total did appear rather modest considering the ground’s small dimensions but it was a fine effort considering the (mainly) high quality of bowling and the doubtful refuelling habits of the tourists over the weekend.

The tea provided was a fine selection of sandwiches, cakes and liquid refreshments. Sparkes, however, contained his intake to swallowing a dictionary. The opening partnership was youthful but a classic combination of the left and right hander. They were clearly well coached combining solid defence with a penchant for putting the loose ball away for four. Bowen’s luck failed to turn with his probing offside line either missing the outside edge or evading slip and gully. Most of his runs conceded were behind square on the offside. “Flat Jack” Adams [Ed: now aka “an Officer of the Crown” after his interlocution with a chambermaid in the tour hotel on Saturday morning] again took the first wicket with the southpaw feathering a catch to wicketkeeper Davis. “The Gog” rather showed himself up immediately afterwards by referring to the umpire as Erica Roe. It is true that the official was bare chested but unlike the well proportioned Miss Roe he was both very much a male callow youth and had been born long after this sporting lass had delighted the Twickenham crowd! Clearly this Open University psychology “mumbo jumbo” has disturbed Gog’s equilibrium.

Fortunately he recovered his composure to join in a “Benaudesque” discourse with Brown as to the precise position he should stand as slip to Simpson’s left arm deliveries. There was the tacit acknowledgement that was only of academic interest as Brown had not even caught a cold on the cricket pitch for two seasons. Then as if to confirm the glorious uncertainty of cricket the opener slashed at a Simpson special and Brown casually pouched it as though to the manner born. After a moment of stunned disbelief great rejoicing erupted. However it must be recorded that had it been known that the ball was heading directly at his teeth and could have resulted in a period of blessed silence from the gnarled veteran the celebrations may have been somewhat muted.

Any hopes that the home side would fold were soon dashed as the new batsmen soon showed their pedigree. At first they were content to push the singles and nominate a ball per over to clatter to the boundary boards [Ed: metaphorically speaking as no boards were actually present or harmed in the making of this report]. Only a heroic effort from Caesar at short mid wicket suggested their mortality. However their conference at the drinks interval provoked a brutal onslaught on the bowlers. Perhaps these young men of impeccable breeding and substantial inheritances had received urgent invitations from some Bedminster social debutants along with their refreshments. Whatever the reasons the results were electrifying.

Alas poor Warwick (sic) was first to suffer. As often happens a dropped catch in the outfield invited the escapee to pepper and clear the boundary ropes and he needed no second invitation. Brown was next to be introduced to the gallows. He endured a degree of punishment that even the most ardent sado-masochist would have retired from the dungeon. He was not helped either by the still confused boy umpire’s denial of a confident lbw claim or a moment of madness from his captain who responded to a rare single by hurling a return that avoided the glove man and all the back up fielders not to mention most of the BS Postcode Area. Brown was by now fully into his survivor’s mode. He drew a grim sense of satisfaction that his balls at least had required the willow to be conveyed to various parts of the West Country whereas his soul mate “Chalky” had had no need for an intermediate agency.

Amongst this carnage those two wise heads Poulsom and Buckle kept the fire burning. Poulsom’s dives and accurate throws lifted spirits and Buckle’s lifetime passion for hiking came to the club’s benefit. No hedge was too wide or fence too high to stop him from retrieving the ball from a distant field. His only mistake was to return to the playing surface as the next delivery too often demanded a repeat performance. Courage under fire indeed!

Hutchings fared a little better with his quickies heralding Fletcher’s mythical three, nay, four dimensional cricketer (sorry, Gog!). He also copped a bit however and his tendency to pitch the ball short drew Armstrong, still on his journey of self discovery, into action on the square leg boundary. Warwick’s fielding cameo would have intrigued even the most qualified anthropologist. In stopping a four by some neat footwork he threw himself into the air, pirouetted and landed with a strange forward and jerking motion beloved of the tribes of Northern Borneo. The following over his gig continued as he thrust his arms upwards and contorted his body at the red orb as it flew above towards a distant church spire. In doing so he replicated a ritual last seen in the Aztec capital of Tecochtitlan. It was noted that several young mothers in the vicinity immediately clasped their newly born to their bosoms fearing he was about to perform a blood sacrifice to the Sun Gods. His mission accomplished for the day an inner calm descended upon “The Big Ship”*.

The final acts of the game unfolded with the Cavaliers Supporters refusing to bend to the inevitable. Moss and the Rabbit, who had only recently returned from a long, alcoholic and unsanctioned lunch, drove the troops onwards with such obvious advice “c’mon tighten it up”. Their grasp of the situation being no more realistic than the Fuehrer’s demand for non-existent reinforcements from the bunker in the dying embers of the Third Reich. Mercifully, Evans did not join in with his colleagues and cut a rather forlorn figure in the bleachers. Perhaps the loss of his leather jacket or his inability to find the perfect “chat up” line for the harem of East European waitresses adorning the breakfast tables of the South Coast was troubling him.

* Warwick Armstrong captained the victorous Australian tourists to England in 1921 and was universally known as “the Big Ship”.

POSTSCRIPT

The tourists reconvened outside the pavilion to consume some fine “Bath Ales” and to face the Court of Judge Steve “Gog” Davis. It is a pleasure to confirm that “Chalky” was present and accepted his fine with good grace. An honorary Cavalier this one! The tour then concluded with much and sincere handshakes amongst the membership.

FINAL POSTSCRIPT!

On a serious note I am sure all the tourists will endorse my thanks to all the organisers and especially Warwick for such a well run and enjoyable event. Also I “hail” my fellow Cavaliers for being true ambassadors for the club and its values. A particular tribute to Mike Moss who despite being unfit to play with a painful injury still travelled down from Yorkshire to join the festivities.

On a final, final note anybody reading this yet to tour, please make a note to keep your diary clear for the first August weekend next year. You won’t have better fun that’s legal.

Wareham, 4 August. Cavaliers 247/6 (Hutchings 61, Armstrong 57, Sparkes 27); Wareham 173 all out (28.1 ovs, Sparkes 2/9, Armstrong 2/13). Won by 74 runs

The opening match of the Cavaliers tour was a truly enjoyable and memorable affair. The team was very nearly deprived of four players thanks to the navigational skills of Grizzly Adams, who ignored maps and instructions and instead ‘followed his nose’. The other Cavaliers in the car were not reassured by the comment that “we’ll work out where we are when we reach the sea”. Eventually the full complement of Cavaliers managed to arrive at the hotel in time to make the coach for the short journey to Wareham.  The opposition said it was their custom not to toss up but to invite the visitors to bat and so Captain Simpson was denied the opportunity to continue his fine run of form and so Messrs Armstrong and Hutchings padded up to face the opposition side comprised of senior and young players.

Given that the wicket was artificial, and the match ball an unusual bright orange, spectators could be forgiven for expecting an unseasonable blizzard to descend. Umpire Brown explained that the ball was a Dutch one in response to the mystified Wareham opening bowler. The first few overs were action packed to say the least. Warwick clearly intended to put his feet up on this tour slashing at the first delivery of the innings only to fall from the clutches of the slips. This was immediately followed by a near catastrophic run out from a hesitant single run which the same batsman was lucky to survive. Nick was also riding his luck against the excellent opening attack surviving at least 3 potential catches. Even though chances were constantly on offer, the scoreboard ticked along at a very healthy rate. A century opening partnership in only 14 overs was finally broken with Hutchings departing for 61 off just 46 balls, to the relief of the opposition as a century looked probable. Warwick also reached his half ton before being dismissed for 57.

The middle and lower order continued the good work of the openers scoring at a healthy rate, with Sparkes knocking 27 [Ed: apparently this included a collector's item - an off-side four through point] and Buckle 15 not out.  It was noted that, rather than the usual slowing down of the run rate towards the end of the innings, boundaries from majestic drives by Simpson and uncouth slogs from the club’s new all rounder Childs ensured the total reached 247 for 6 from 40 overs [Ed: the oppo captain later confessed it should have been 250 but he reckoned we already had enough runs and had failed to indicate that the ball had crossed the boundary after one of Jez's trademark legside heaves.]

After an excellent tea including scones, cream and strawberries, Simmo asked Childs and Bowen to open the bowling. Panda bowled a tight economical spell but found his rhythm constantly interrupted by Wayno's insistence on getting his money’s worth with 9 ball overs. Nevertheless, both openers gained a wicket each, and were well supported by Adams 2-28, Armstrong 2-13 and, incredibly, 2-9 for Sparkes [Ed: is the incredulity for the feat or that the Captain continues to ignore the ability of Jez to dismiss tail-end octogenarians ...] - watch this space to see whether junior players only count as half a wicket after this! Brown’s one dismissal edged him to one short of a momentous 200 wicket milestone.

The match also saw a real champagne moment when Rabbit claimed his first wicket clean bowling a Wareham youngster. The inconsolable victim has since retired from the sport.

The saying that catches win matches could not have been more appropriate for this match, with an excellent fielding display from most of the team. Eight catches were held, many of which difficult chances on the boundary. Indeed, given the number of catches, there is little room to describe any dropped catches; even those which involved 3 juggled drops off a single delivery [Ed: come on reporter, name and shame ...]

Simpson led by example taking 3 catches, Warwick and Grizz both taking two (continuing their intense personal battle) and Childs confirmed his self-proclaimed all-round status snaffling a chance. The most memorable catch involved the skipper clutching a mighty blow at very long on (also known as the Isle of 'White'). Members of the crowd muttered that he stepped well over the boundary in taking the catch, but the Captain insisted he had remained inside. Clearly, the integrity of the captain is beyond reproach despite allegations that he was caught winking. The fall of regular wickets ensured that Wareham were always going to come up short of the total. A kind offer from the hosts enabled the Craig to bat at 11 for them who was unfortunate to fall first ball to a great catch from Adams off the bowling of Sparkes to the delight of the tourists. Mention must be made too of Mikey Moss who had journeyed from Huddersfield to Cardiff to join the tour in Bournemouth [Ed: perhaps Grizz had given him directions ...] and who kept the scoreboard in such good order that Waz was, again, rendered, speechless.

The camaraderie was continued in downtown Wareham where thirsts were quenched by copious amounts of real ale. The Wareham boys stayed on to share in the fun and frolics way late into the night – far beyond the time required to just be polite. Their players even fell foul of Interim Recorder Brown’s tough justice. The squad was unanimous in its verdict that Wareham were superb hosts and that the match was played in a wonderful spirit and sense of humour that made this match perhaps the best tour game in memory. The friendships made during and after the game will certainly be a highlight of the 2006 tour. 

GE Healthcare, 1 August. Cavaliers 176/2 (Hutchings 86, Armstrong 49, Marchant 27no); GE 149/3 (Sinclair 1/13, Marchant 1/14). Won by 27 runs. Cav 2pts, GE 0pts

What a run-fest. Hard on the heels of Mr Brown having been at Cheltenham to witness Mike Powell’s 299 for Glamorgan scored over two days, he was also present for 2½ hours last night to see 325 runs at Llandaff Oval [Ed: is this a record for Cavaliers in Plate games?]. With some squally showers around both captains were wary of what to do, mindful of our game earlier in the season where rain during the second innings greatly assisted the side (GE) batting second and tipped the balance their way, and each decided that they would insert the opposition. The Oracle had counselled on batting first as we had a remarkably strong top 6 but, happily, the coin fell GE’s way and so they asked us to bat. For 3 overs, they must’ve felt it was the right choice with only a handful of runs on the scoreboard and the outside edge all but shaved on a few occasions.

But after 7 dot balls Nick decided that it was time to take to the offensive and then proceeded to blitz the GE bowlers. In his next 43 balls he hit 11 fours and 1 six, dominating an opening stand of 140 in 15 overs, before he fell to an outstanding catch as he tried to clear the ropes for a second time. This brought in Jimmy who carried on in Nick's vein, smashing 2 sixes and 2 fours for a quickfire unbeaten 27 off 10 balls. Meanwhile, Warwick who was made to look almost pedestrian by comparison despite scoring at a run a ball, selflessly sacrificed his wicket one short of a half century, falling to a direct hit from long off. This brought in Anthony Sinclair, making his competitive debut for the Cavaliers, for one ball but was at the non-striker’s end so didn’t get a chance to show what he could do. Our total of 176 was actually disappointing as, at one stage, it looked as if the score may have reached the epic proportions of Dwyer’s famous match against Hurricanes 2 years ago.

However, GE are not ones to go down with a whimper and play the game in terrific spirit [Ed: can’t recall a single theatrical appeal or instance of trying it on or  mutterings about the umpiring]. Their opener, Norman, played an inspired innings, going slightly better than Nick, scoring an unbeaten 90 from 60 balls with 12 fours and 3 sixes. However, none of his colleagues could match him and some canny bowling from our first three bowlers (Anthony 1/13, Jimmy 1/14 and Jason 0/22) meant the required run rate just kept climbing. Anthony bowled some particularly sharp deliveries, one beating batsman, keeper and fine leg all ends up.  The one to break the opening stand led to the perceptive comment from The Oracle that “we should’ve known that Stephenson would go to a rocket”.

Rumours persist that Jason must’ve broken a mirror somewhere at the start of the season such has been his poor luck in snaring wickets from probing and accurate spells. There were some memorable moments: (1) good to see Swash Buckle back on the pitch after his fractured rib sustained in June but hearts were in mouths when he chased a ball and then seemed to step on it causing him to fall flat on his back but, happily, it was not serious and he was soon up on his feet again; (2) Nick was deputising for Gog and did a remarkable impression of a troubadour to an edged delivery off Simmo, with Jez’s appeal starting as the ball reached the keeper’s glove, continued through the first juggle, was sustained over the second juggle, started to sound strangled during the third juggle and was finally, raspingly, completed at the fourth and final juggle; (3) Monty's Double was in fine form with flight, dip, bounce and turn that completely bamboozled the batsmen and all they could do was tamely pat it back to him [Ed: no need for a doosra when you've already got a full bag of tricks].

BA Dragons, 27 July. Won with walkover as BA scratched from competition. Cav 2 pts, BA 0pts

With the League only being notified an hour before the game that BA was scratching from the competition [Ed: BA didn't even have the courtesy to contact us], we had no time to contact our folk and save them from turning up. However, with another lovely evening and a couple of extra folk, including Caesar's son William, we were able to stage another keenly fought contest, this time between Rhodri's Rogues and Ross' Renegades.

Renegades won the toss and opted to bat, opening with Dave "I'm no Pinch-hitter" Parsons and new recruit via the web site, Anthony Sinclair [Ed: welcome to Anthony, who's over from Australia, we hope you enjoy your cricket with us]. They were quickly into their stride, finding the boundary with consummate ease, especially with only 2 fielders each side of the wicket, and Anthony had time to show that a full array of shots - attack and defence - seems to be part of the breeding in the males from Oz. Both retired on 25 and there was somewhat of a lull as the 1st change bowling attack took on the middle order. Master Searle bowled well and caused the batsmen to think twice before taking liberties and there was a priceless moment when Sean misread a straight ball from Caesar that was on line and was duly 'castled'.

Mr Sparkes had the honour of bowling the final over and, after two balls, was informed by Umpire Parsons that he wasn't turning it even an inch. This assertion was fully supported by both batsmen who reckoned that Jez's spin claim was more of the Alistair Campbell variety. Imagine then, if you will, the considerable controversy when, the very next ball, Panda moved across his stumps, leaving his leg peg fully open to view, and was rapped hard on the pad. Jez appealed and was turned down by the umpire muttering laconically, "Nah, must've been turning too much ..." [Ed: perhaps this explains why Panda has yet to be dismissed this season, he has the umpire's in his thrall].

Set 85 to win, the Rogues were clearly of a mind to build steadily with Rod particularly watchful and Osian, when he wasn't mowing it across to leg, essaying some very good leaves that shaved the stumps by a whisker. Umpire Sparkes was implacable in the face of some zealous appealing and disdainfully raised his arms to signal the maximum when Rod smote Wayne to the boundary, the ball bouncing several times before it crossed the rope, which is as novel a way as any to re-assert the official's authority. Osian scored 19 before being bewitched, bothered and bewildered by the pace (or lack of it) of Mr Poulsom who excelled with the ball in hand and in the field [Ed: sure there's a proverb there somewhere trying to get out].

Anthony, despite protestations that he was really a keeper, was given the ball and immediately generated movement and pace that had escaped all the other spherical leather purveyors on display this fine evening and even caused Umpire Sparkes to amend his description to the facing batsman that the action was "right arm dinky dobblers". Rod retired on 25 and Jimmy quickly raced to his 25 leaving young William and Sparky to try and score 11 from 7 balls.

However, the force was with the immediate former Chair and he tied Jez in knots, who also survived an appeal for LBW that perhaps an umpire with more experience might well have given out. Needing 6 from the last ball to win the game, Jez heaved mightily but only got a top edge which sailed in the vertical plane rather than the horizontal one. The Renegades thought they had won by a handful of runs but had neglected the local Cavalier rule that runs scored by 14 year olds and under count double. Indeed, the application of this rule had even been checked by Mr Parsons, who had caused it to be formulated in the first place, and so the runs scored by William Searle in his debut match, meant that the margin was much slimmer and had Jez called Wayne's beamer a full toss then the match would've been tied.

The Consmen, 25 July: Cavaliers 116 for 4 (Hutchings 38; Armstrong 29; Adams 25no); Consmen 117 for 3 (16ovs, Parsons D 2/24; Marchant 1/10). Lost by 7 wickets. Consmen 2pts, Cav 0pts

On another gloriously hot sunny evening we faced the same problems as at Llandaff Oval ie. the pitch was not prepared or marked (another cock-up on the Council front!!)  To make matters worse most of the team were suffering from heat exhaustion from the long trek across the desert that is known as Blackweir. Fortunately, Captain “Marvel” Simpson won the toss yet again and sensibly elected to bat giving people the chance to recover as we opened our defence of the Willow League Plate against newcomers The Consmen.

Some fine bowling from the Consmen opening bowlers restricted the runs in the early part of the Cavaliers innings [Ed: there was so much bounce that we thought a new rubber compound ball was being tested].  A solid innings from the ever-dependable Warwick Armstrong and tremendous stroke play from Nick Hutchings (38) produced an excellent half way score of 49 for 2 off 9 overs. The runs continued to flow during an excellent partnership between Wazza and Grizz who also provided a running commentary throughout with classic comments such as “your end”, “I fancy two there”, “up to you?” and “come on then”.

Warwick was eventually out in the 12^th over for a fine 29.  Jason Duffy (not out 9) and Grizz with a superb unbeaten 25 [Ed: apparently, there are witnesses that Mr Adams was found on Sunday evening to be rehearsing some of Jez's exquisite leg side heaves but fortunately listened to his colleagues' admonishments that he should "bat like Adams, not like Sparkes!"] finished off the innings in fine style – despite erroneous shouts from the boundary that the innings was about to end prematurely - 116 for 4 – a very good score on an unpredictable, bouncy wicket.

The Consmen got off to a slow, cautious start facing the formidable opening pair of Jason Duffy and Ross Bowen. However, they soon started to get into their stride and even though Dave Parsons (2 – 24) and Jimmy Marchant (1 – 10), who both bowled superbly, took wickets the runs continued at a steady rate. The extras were also beginning to mount.  The Captain tried a variety of bowlers (Sean Taylor, Graeme Brown, Nigel Adams) in an attempt to stem the flow of runs but the Consmen were gaining confidence and Dan Martin (not out 38) and G. Parker (not out 20) knocked off the runs with nearly 2 overs to spare. The score book revealed the story of too many extras – 18 during the Cavaliers innings and 23 during the Consmens.

An excellent, exciting evening’s entertainment and all the Cavaliers agreed that the Consmen would be a credit to the Willow League in the way they enjoy their cricket!

South Glamorgan, 18 July: S.Glam 139/3 (Marchant 1/21, Simpson 1/25); Cav 107/6 (Duffy 26, Armstrong 20). Lost by 32 runs. S.Glam 14 pts, Cav 1 pt

We gathered at Llandaff Oval on the hottest day of the year so far to discover that the UWIC groundsman had failed to cut or mark a wicket. With neither team wanting to pass up the opportunity for a game, it was decided to play on last week’s strip and hope that there weren’t too many close calls for run outs and stumpings. South Glam were looking to maintain a 100% record in the League that has seen no-one come close to them [Ed: the most anyone has got is 2 bonus points].

Mr Simpson tossed the coin and we were surprised that it came down in favour of South Glam who opted to bat first. Again we were faced with 2 very young faced batsmen [Ed: Jez later caused mirth in the pub among the opposition when he asked them for their id, and it was a few moments before they realised they were only drinking diet cola] playing in a different standard to their normal weekend games. Undaunted by this Jason put in yet another wholehearted effort that, in an innings that averaged 7 runs/over, conceded only 17 runs from his 4 over spell that was as deserving of a wicket if ever one was, with several deliveries posing questions of the batsmen that they clearly hadn’t yet covered in their GCSEs. He was well supported by Jimmy [Ed: we would normally say at the other end but the captains had, wisely, agreed that both innings would be bowled from one end only to ensure the batsmen’s safety with the dipping sun].

However, what nicks and false strokes there were (and we could probably count them on one hand) just eluded the fielders or fell safely into space and it wasn’t until the 12^th over, bowled by Waz, that a batsman leaned too far forward and Gog, as sprightly as ever, gathered cleanly, whipped off the bails, appealed and found the square leg umpire in agreement.

Still, one half of their boy scout opening combination kept going, although he nearly fell to some excellent fielding by Nick in the deep who picked up on the run and, almost in one, threw accurately to the bowler’s end. Their man was home, but only just. It would be nice to record that Nick’s example throughout the innings inspired us but, somewhat surprisingly and for only the first time this season, our ground fielding was not up to standard with balls going through fielders legs for 4 rather than being an easy single, some overthrows on offer and two relatively straightforward catches spilled [Ed: let’s not be too downbeat though, it was very warm and some good late saves showed that everyone is learning from the game].

When it came to our turn to bat we knew we had to do as well as we had last week, where we’d scored 142, and Waz and Jimmy set out to see if we could match this. This bowling, though, was of a much superior standard to that offered by Uni Staff and Steve Parker in a devastating opening spell sent back 4 of our top batters for only 8 runs. Rocked back on our haunches, Jason despite coming in on a hat-trick ball, proceeded to thrash the ball to all parts of the ground and shared in a 50 stand with Warwick, and hit 5 boundaries before being bowled round his legs.

As ever, when the opposition start to feel they may be losing a grip on the game, little niggles come in with their slow bowler’s appeal for LBW in a manner that could have graced the West End for all its theatricality [Ed: the fact that not even their keeper went up indicates that its decline was hardly a contentious issue] and some having “a go” at the square leg umpire for calling a no-ball for a full toss well over waist height, saying it wasn’t for him to call it. However, the League rules state quite clearly that either umpire shall be able to do so [Ed: it must be another of those inverse ratios, the higher the level that opposition cricketers play at, the less they know about the rules …]

Against tight and accurate bowling, backed up by some excellent ground fielding that turned risky 2s into singles, we were struggling and only managed 23 singles from the bat and not one boundary in the final 7 overs.  We finished 32 runs short, which sounds a lot but we are one of only 3 sides to have scored over a hundred against the remorseless South Glam cricket-machine that has steam-rollered every team they’ve faced in both competitions this season.

[Ed: it’s unlikely that the single bonus point we got will be enough to see us hold on to the last place to get into the Shield, as L&G and Sevenoaks were both awarded maximum point walk-overs when Uni Staff and Chartered Trust both failed to turn-up for their respective games. We’re awaiting the final table, and the possibility of a recount, as it may come down to a few tenths of a point to decide final standings.]

Clytha Arms, 16 July: Cav 179 for 9 (Armstrong 38, Sparkes 37); Clytha 180 for 3 (23.4ovs; H Parsons 2/17, Brown 1/42). Lost by 7 wickets

[Ed: sadly, it was only discovered on our return that Clytha had failed to enter any details of their innings in our scorebook]

A beautiful day, a glorious backdrop in Llanarth Hall (later christened "Moore's Mansion" by Gog), the sort of Captain’s decision often described as “brave” [Ed: thought that was a euphemism for a botch up …], evidence that Waz and Brownie had recently graduated from the Laurence Llewellyn Bowen school of sartorial elegance, and a tea that would grace the best tables of La Gavroche or Le Manoir aux Quatre Saisons.  In fact, this reporter is almost tempted to do a epicurean review than describe the cricket …

In a game reduced to 30 overs per side, partly due to the extremely warm conditions and mostly due to the tardy assembly of the opposition, Mr Simpson continued his fine season of tosses and elected to bat. This led to the “brave” decision of instructing Mr Sparkes to accompany Mr Armstrong to the crease to open the innings [Ed: clearly, he hasn’t been monitoring the web site or he’d have known what everyone else knows about Jez’s form this year].

However, the Clytha bowlers were quick to discover that if you bowl at Sparkes’ legs he’ll clip it through square for four. Although they were very fast in their discovery, they were equally slow in adjusting their line and so a further five 4s and 1 six later, a hook shot from a rib high beamer that Umpire Brown failed to call a no-ball [Ed: perhaps he was dazzled by the shot, or simply stunned by the identity of the person playing it] he and Waz had put in 66 in 15 overs with, much to everyone’s surprise (including his own, he will admit), Jez being the senior partner.

Whether, as so often happens, the drinks interval disturbed the batsmen’s concentration or perhaps it was a fraternal concern that ‘Major Tom’ Strawson was accompanied by Ground Control who had had come to watch him bat and not Jez block [Ed: scorebook shows that he made only 14 scoring shots in 43 balls faced] Mr Sparkes attempted to whip the first ball after the break, a rare straight delivery of fuller length, to his favoured mid-wicket boundary and was bowled. This brought in Mr Adams, still tanned after his trip to El Dorado and, like Vince, with a female entourage in tow. He found the short boundaries to his liking and was quickly into his stride. Waz, sensibly, played the anchor role so it was somewhat of a surprise when he was found only half forward to a fuller length ball and was adjudged leg before for, by his standards, a relatively subdued 38.

Enter Vince who has played in KP-esque fashion this season with a tremendous follow through. His first ball was dispatched for 4 through mid-off, a shot which he was later to describe, perhaps somewhat mischievously, as little more than “a gentle forward defensive push”. He and Grizz proceeded to punish the bad ball but there were few of these on offer and, in a shorter game, risks had to be taken early and soon these two were back in the pavilion having scored 20 (15 balls) and 34 (30 balls) respectively. Grizz was caught by the ‘sub’ fielder Wazzer (a shot from Jez had earlier dislocated the finger of a Clytha man) and, as they passed, Mr Adams was heard to say “It won’t count in the fielding averages, Mr Armstrong, it won’t count.”

There was then a stutter with overs running out and a classic piece of Oscar Wilde. Caesar managed during a brief innings of a 4-ball duck to lose five partners. As Lady Bracknell would have put it “To lose one partner is unfortunate, to lose 5 is careless.” Starbucks Metters lasted half the balls of Caesar and Huw P half as few again [Ed: why not just say he was out for a Golden Duck?]. Gog struck a quickfire 14 but it was the final over that saw our last pair, Osian and Brownie, drive the pick of the Clytha bowlers to distraction and then despair. Firstly, runs were quickly scampered and then Mr Brown, in imperious form, despatched the ball over mid-on for four and followed it with another through mid-wicket. 12 came off the last 6 balls and we reached 179 for 9. Agent Smirnov wished it to be recorded that his strike rate was over 200 and why did the skipper open with a pair of blockers [Ed: well, that’s what we were told it sounded like] when he had such talent hiding down the order.

There was a relatively quick turnround (‘tea’ was to be taken in the pub later) and the Cavaliers were sent off to their fielding stations in rousing style with a message received from Mr Pritchard earlier in the day ringing in their ears “Come on the Cavaliers and play like The Rabbit!”

For the second time in a matter of days we were to encounter a batsman playing in a game considerably below his club level by some mark. And like Thursday’s game, he offered only one, very difficult, chance in the opening over and could have been caught for 0 off Osian. He was eventually dismissed for a ton with the game all but won. It was indicative of his intent to gorge himself on whatever was offered by the Cavalier bowlers that he spurned easy singles in the early part of each over in order to thrash the ball in the later deliveries. Simmo rotated his bowlers, tactics and fielding positions to seek a wicket but there were 143 runs on the board in 16 overs before Huw broke through the defences of the other opener to get us in the wickets column. He followed up with the wicket of the young centurion, a fine catch on the mid-wicket boundary by the captain. 

With the finishing line in sight, there was time for Gog to give Mr Sparkes yet another monicker, The Dog Whisperer, as Jez sent out commands from deep long on to Suka at the far side of the field [Ed: she’s more responsive than several of the Cavalier fielders, especially Caesar and Starbucks who seemed to forget they had to move whenever the right-hand/left-hand opening combination crossed for a single leading to some very curious, perhaps enterprising, but entirely unintentional field settings].

Just before the winning run was struck, Brownie was able to tempt a Clytha man to hook the ball down the throat, quite literally, of Grizz at deep backward square as he rose from the floor with the ball clutched under his chin where he had managed to stop it slipping from his grasp. Although appearing in the colours of the opposition (as we reciprocated to their shortfall in numbers), it was good to see the immediate past Chair, in the form of Mr Poulsom, in his whites for