Cardiff Cavaliers Cricket Club

30th Anniversary Charabanc Day: Match Report

Clytha Arms, Sunday 13 July. Cavaliers 110/9 (35 overs, Armstrong 24, Marchant 17, Adams 16no, Newbury 11). Clytha Arms 111/4 (29 overs , Duffy 2/22, Marchant 1/14, S.Davis 1/25). Lost by 6 wickets. Scorecard

The weather held fine on this designated Charabanc Day by the membership. Unfortunately the team was hit by withdrawals, indeed some of these coming very late in the day, which meant the team travelled with the bare eleven (well, nine actually as Jez and Tim travelled independently with their varied fan clubs in tow – more on this later.)

The first pickup point at the Cathedral School saw four eager Cavaliers join the day’s outing, with one indeed coming fully prepared (Mr Ward bringing 4 cans of Black Label for the long journey to Abergavenny, although Jimmy reckoned he could have got a Firkin in his bag it was so big – the excess baggage detectives will have a field day when he books in for Amsterdam.)

Next stop Roath saw the remaining stalwarts enter the fray, with the bus conductor Gog, telling everyone, including the driver what a fantastic tea awaited us back at the Clytha Arms following the day’s battle.

We arrived safely at the pre match venue, the pub, in excellent time due to the efforts of our driver (who did not look old enough to have passed his test), but proved to be a very capable fellow indeed. This was the cue for the day’s festivities to begin, and the cider, Guinness and lager started to flow, whilst the more serious cricketers amongst the clan, notably the Chairman and President, paced themselves for the long afternoon ahead with the odd soft drink.

It was at the pub that the most unusual sight ever witnessed by a travelling Cavaliers team occurred. One of our independent travellers arrived with what can only be described as a mobile harem!! which he tried to disguise as supporters. Jez arrived with his harem, Suka, who seemed to be a bit more excited about attending than the Rowland Belles!!! (Yep it was Tim with the ‘Lovely ladies’ as they later became known). After a film review on The Hunt for Red October by Barry Norman (Jez to us), a current affairs quiz (Jez again) and various other pre match events, such as one man and his Dog with Phil Drabble, come by! (I have never seen so many dogs in one place), we managed to get the opposition to drink up and made our way back to the bus for the long journey to the battlefield at 2.20pm.

Five minutes later we were dropped at the gate of the ground as the driver refused to get his bus covered in sh*t, one wag was heard to comment that he might as well get the outside dirty as there was a load of s*it on the inside anyhow! The walk to the pitch was led by Buckle of Khartoum, who guided his flock safely through the minefield of cow pats to the playing surface. There were some stragglers led by the captain and his vice who stopped for relief purposes (no, not executive hand relief, Gog) along the way. The young beer drinkers who for some reason were joined by Warwick, I think he just felt obliged to join them.

The pitch was playable but unfortunately the gate had been left open and the cattle had done a number on certain parts with their hooves, thank god they had not been out for a curry on Saturday night. Apart from one other wet and boggy part of the outfield it looked alright and the all important toss was made. Graeme Smith Marchant as he is now known won the toss and elected to bat.

The innings was opened by Messrs Armstrong and Newbury who were greeted with having to cope with 12 fielders as there was a baby sitting at square leg as a result of a babysitter not turning up for one of their lads [Ed: a cunning plan worthy of Baldrick as the bowlers fed the batsmen’s legside shots only for the gentlemen to let the ball pass safely by their legs rather than risk striking the infant – perhaps we should try fielding 11 toddlers some time].

The runs started to come but it was tough going on a pitch with varied bounce and a damp surface. The President was the first to fall to a good catch at second slip, however the ever reliable Warwick kept it going along steadily, despite the disappointment of being refused knuckle touching with the President! The innings crept along with good contributions by everyone but it proved a tough old slog and eventually closed on 110/9 after our full 35 overs.

It wasn’t an exciting innings [Ed: not even Tuna Tim’s attempt to strike each of the four balls he faced out of the ground stirred his entourage tough it may have helped if he’d connected, of course], indeed at one point the pitch was invaded by a Grouse who felt safe enough to wander around the outfield. Also the crowd which had gathered in the grounds of the adjoining mental hospital retired to plead their sanity compared to the 11 batsman they had been watching, and who they thought they should swap places with. The Gog insists the revolt was led by the Hon Mr Moore but no one else could confirm the sighting!

The break between innings saw the introduction of the opposition’s second secret weapon, notably a barrel of beer from the pub which the Cavaliers proceeded to get stuck into, rude not to really!

The opposition innings started slowly with two early wickets by Mr Duffy, indeed he clean bowled the opener with his first ball. However they settled into a rhythm and picked off the bad balls and punished them very well with regular boundaries. The Gog was introduced and carried on his good work from the S.W. Echo match and clean bowled one of their promising youngsters [Ed: Gog’s devastating bowling – he hasn’t failed to take a wicket in any spell – was made possible by the handing of the gloves to Stumpy Sparkes, eager to stake a claim for the keeper’s spot when JT goes on holiday. He was, however, denied a first entry of the season in the keepers’ section of the stats when a spotty youth, sporting a Cheltenham College First XI shirt and a pale blue cap bearing what looked like a cub scout’s motif, failed to walk when he gloved the ball down leg for a well anticipated and splendidly athletic catch to be taken. Even back at the pub Stumpy was still muttering about whether these lads had reached the part of the syllabus covering etiquette and the spirit of the game!]

They continued to pick off the runs despite another wicket by the captain and some excellent displays in the field by Messrs Roake, Rowland and Ward and eventually reached their target in the 29^th over for the loss of 4 wickets. The Cavaliers showed their disappointment but it was short lived when they were again invited to partake in the barrel of beer and the evening festivities began! Two incidents in the match worth reporting were: Alan Ward being invited to be the first attendee at the Cavaliers sprinting academy, he thought he had scored his first runs but unfortunately was beaten by a direct hit by one of the opposition after giving the impression he was running in the 3 legged race at his school sports day!

The second one involved our esteemed Chairman who when discussing the cattle in the other field being very agitated, suggested it was due to it getting near their milking time. This would have been a good observation but for one important factor which was pointed out by the opposition team member he was talking to at the time, THEY WERE ALL BULLS!

Back at the pub we were served a good tea, although not to the standard that Jamie Oliver Davis was harping on about prior to the game to anyone who would listen. We then retired for our court session presided over by Judge Davis and prosecuting counsel Newbury. There was a good array of fines dished out including Mr Armstrong for continually exposing his Calvin Klein underpants, Adams for his lack of concentration in awarding a 5 ball over when umpiring and Rowland for having the audacity to bring his own fan club to the game. Indeed the ladies were also fined for their lack of interest in the game, one fell asleep whilst the other read a book!

We then retired back into the pub for more refreshment including sampling a locally brewed cider which proved to be too much for Mr Buckle who although he does not know it yet will be fined at the next court session for falling asleep on the bus journey home.

Despite the result I think everyone enjoyed the day’s outing and I think it is now an annual fixture in the Cavaliers diary, however, it would be nice to see the event better supported in future by the membership as there was a lot of hard work put in by certain people which believe me was much appreciated by those who attended this year’s outing.

Team: Jimmy Marchant (capt), Jason Duffy (vice capt), Jeremy Sparkes (wkt), Warwick Armstrong, Alan Ward, Nigel Adams, Tim Rowland, Joey Newbury, Steve Davis, Martin Buckle, Steve Roake.